By being open about subjects, you normalize. Many of you know that I have Endometriosis. I had fertility problems and eventually became a mother to Finn when I was 40. I think it’s important to always be open and honest about this subject. There are a lot of women who suffer from the same problems, sadness, and despair that I’ve known. I felt incredibly alone at the time I was struggling with my sadness. I also noticed in those days that the few people who wanted to help had no idea how to help.
Thinking back it is of course easy for me. I have become a mother and my sadness has been replaced by baby joy. For my secondary infertility grief I give myself little to no space, as if that grief isn’t legit. Not from me, but not from society either.
I was lucky, I got pregnant against all odds. Finn’s arrival completely changed my life. I really had no idea what having a baby meant, what motherhood meant, and my whole world was turned upside down. Just pink clouds? No absolutely not. He was my biggest wish, and that wish came true. But motherhood wasn’t and isn’t only positive and fun. Every now and then, I chat with women who honestly admit that motherhood isn’t what they’d expected. Having children for them was a breeze; the urge to procreate was undoubtedly there, but it wasn’t as expected once the children were there.
I also sometimes have to adjust my insights to understand and feel what is meant. But I do understand. My wish to be a mother didn’t come until I was in my mid 30’s and before that, it was not a wish for me. Many women think motherhood is something that is expected from them, something they have to do, that it’s nothing but fantastic and having children is their life. Yet, there are plenty of women who consciously do not have children and are also looked at by society.
I sometimes think what it would have been like if Finn hadn’t come. If we had remained childless. I’m sure Martin and I would have had a wonderful life together, which would have been very different from the one we’ve created now. Not less fun or loving, just different.
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