The Introverted Self

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As far back as my memory stretches, I’ve always liked being alone. There’s a unique beauty in the tranquility of silence, the kind that surrounds you from every direction, creating a sense of vast emptiness.

Category

I am dee

Date

07/10/2023

Length

4 min read

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It’s during these moments of solitude that my thoughts flow freely, unhindered by the presence of others. When I’m denied this precious alone time for an extended period, I begin to feel peculiar, restless, and easily agitated.

I’ve been known to abruptly declare, “I think I’m skipping this party!” much to the puzzlement of my family and friends. Inward I’d go, treading the walls of my home like a safe blanket, until the world felt right again.

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.

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For a period, I found myself pondering whether something had been overlooked. The question, “Could I be introverted?” became a frequent Google search, followed by attempts at filling out online quizzes that often concluded with a hesitant “probably yes.” Seeking guidance, I asked friends, “How often should I be amongst friends?” Their responses varied but never gave me a satisfied feeling. It always seemed to often.

Ultimately, the most reasonable deduction is that I am an introvert. I’m not the first to turn “enjoys solitude” into a defining personality trait. However, deep down, it runs deeper than that. I attribute it to my upbringing with no siblings—no constant noise, parents who lived in silence next to each other for long periods, and no one sharing my space or laying claim to my possessions. I suspect that’s just the way I am.

But my “being alone” is more than just my affinity for solitude; it’s an almost sacred reverence I hold for my time and space, occasionally bordering on what some might perceive as selfishness. “I need my space” is a sentence I know very well, as does my husband.

With age, I’ve made an effort to be more conscious of this tendency, especially now that I have a son. However, it still doesn’t come effortlessly except for his constant presence. My son is the only person in the world whom I effortlessly tolerate at all times.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.

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My upbringing didn’t immerse me in an environment where I learned to be social; instead, I primarily knew what it was like to be alone. I developed my social skills much later in life when I understood what was expected from a “social person”.

While I often identify as a typical only child I don’t believe that being an only child necessarily make me selfish. I once read a study where Chinese researchers conducted MRI brain scans on only children and those with siblings. They discovered that only children displayed greater “flexibility,” which is often considered a marker of creativity, but they scored lower in agreeableness, essentially indicating lower levels of cooperativeness and friendliness compared to their peers with siblings.

Whether these findings hold substantial meaning is a matter of ongoing debate. After all, each person on this planet is unique, and the dynamics between siblings can vary significantly. Nevertheless, I frequently sense a difference in my experiences compared to those with siblings.

Now, as the mother of an only child son, it continually piques my curiosity. I observe how he differs significantly from me when I was a child, being notably more social and laid-back in all aspects. Today is Saturday, and even though I’m utterly exhausted from a hectic workweek, I wholeheartedly agree when a mother of one of Finn’s friends texts to ask if her son can come over to play. Not because I don’t want to “entertain” my son, spending time with him is wonderful. But I chose to stimulate him to cultivate a rich social life, to learn how to socialize, make (new) friends and to have many as he grows older (and we become ancient).

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.

Lorem ipsum

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.

Integer nec odio.

I already see a part of myself in him. I’m teaching him to prioritize himself, which actually comes naturally when you’re an only child. But more than just wanting him to be “successful”, I want to give him a fair chance to not be introverted because he clearly isn’t.

I’m certainly not always a solitary soul. Despite most of this article suggesting otherwise, I thoroughly enjoy spending time with others. During my work as a photographer, where I traveled the world with others, I had the best times.

But I also traveled alone when I was younger and worked as an international fashion model. There were moments when the city I lived in for a while felt so immense and isolated that I almost longed for a conversation with another human being.

I can, as an introvert, step into a bustling room, mingle with strangers, and socialize quite well. However, I am also immensely content when I can return home. I would describe myself as an extroverted introvert, stemming from a childhood spent alone without siblings. I am independent, self-reliant, I love people, I enjoy socializing, but I also cherish solitude. The balance, however, isn’t always even, which can sometimes prove challenging, particularly for those around me that love me.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Integer nec odio. Praesent libero. Sed cursus ante dapibus diam. Sed nisi. Nulla quis sem at nibh elementum imperdiet.