Before I was born my grandmother, whom I’m named after, died at age 49. My other grandmother just celebrated her 93rd birthday, healthy, vibrant, and independent.

So, I carry this twin set of luggage. In one hand, the awareness that sometimes you don’t live to meet your grandchildren and in the other that it’s possible to live a full and robust life into your 90s.

Because of both of these woman, I see aging as an exciting gift and a privilege. At 47, I embrace the idea that I’m in the middle of my life and that I could have at least another 40-45 years ahead. And that’s not just me, as a society, we’re living longer lives.

If we start telling ourselves we’re done evolving or too old for this or that when we’re in our 40s or 50s it’s going to be a pretty miserable future or at least a boring one!

The awareness that sometimes you don’t live to meet your grandchildren and in the other that it’s possible to live a full and robust life into your 90s.

I used to think if I ate a certain way, worked out, and generally took care of myself, I was planting all the seeds necessary for aging well. But things shifted for me in midlife and I realized that, while hugely important, on its own good health is not enough.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the opportunities midlife provides and what groundwork I think is important to lay at this age for the future.

 

1. Feel completely alive now if you want that in your future. If things are just okay or even good but they could be better, it’s important to look at that. Now is a great time to take a bird’s eye view of what’s working and what could use some attention. What would it look like to be fully and vibrantly alive right now?
2. Be the main character in your own story. That doesn’t mean self-centred. It means that you deserve to have a character arc and a storyline and not just be the plucky best friend who cheers on the heroine as she goes on all the adventures. If you feel like you’re on the sidelines watching other people have all the fun and success, it’s time to start rewriting the script. ??
3. Recognize what’s no longer serving you. Midlife is an important time to finally recognize your limiting patterns and habits. Just becoming aware of the ways you stop and sabotage yourself is a huge step to creating a happier, healthier, more fulfilled future.
4. Stand on your own shoulders. All the answers are within you. You have the experience and the wisdom to create something incredible. It takes courage and the ability to trust your own instincts but hey, you’ve got that too!
5. Question everything and throw it all in the blender. That doesn’t mean blowing up your life; it means questioning your choices, especially the ones that feel fixed and immovable, and realizing that absolutely everything you do, big and small, is in fact, a choice.
6. Be open to new perspectives. When you start opening yourself up to new ways of looking at things everything changes. And, I promise if you’re feeling stuck there is another way to look at any situation.
7. ?Follow the energy. People talk a lot about purpose and midlife is a time when it can start to feel pressing to figure out what yours is, if you haven’t already. So much of the time we think of purpose and contribution as linked. So if you’re someone looking at how to make a more meaningful contribution, pay attention to what gives you energy and how you spark energy in others. Following these clues will take you far to unravelling the mystery of purpose. Bottom line, I believe the route to finding purpose is about shedding other people’s expectations and limitations so that we’re able to hear our own cues more clearly. When you are the most “you” possible, you can’t help but be “on purpose”.
8. Figure out what’s most important to you. Using your values to make decisions about what you spend time, money, and energy on is a fool-proof route to fulfilment. We go wrong when we spend our precious resources on what’s most important to other people (or what used to be important to us but isn’t anymore).
9. Make a “to-be list” not just a do-list. Who do you want to be in midlife? Who do you want to be at 70? Who do you want to be at 90? Asking yourself these questions provides a roadmap that will help you line up what you actually want to do with who you want to be rather than doing things because you think you should be. ?
10. Leave lots of space to keep evolving. Hold your absolutes lightly so that there is always room to grow, change, and learn. Defy your stereotypes. Try new things. Change your mind. Have fun. There’s room for all of it in midlife and beyond.

At close to 50, I feel more powerful than I have at any other time in my life and I know I’m still a work in progress.

When I think about celebrating my own 93rd birthday, I can only hope that that I’ll be doing it in health and gratitude, surrounded by love, and in peace knowing that I made the most out of every year that was given to me, that I didn’t let limiting beliefs stop me from having the life I wanted, and that I honoured what was most important to me along the way.