Tell us what you want us to know about yourself:
I am Tanja van Wijk, 40 years old. Mother of 2 lovely children, 8 and 6 years old, lover and wife (of the same man) for 19 years, designer, artist, writer of poetry, and a life’s self-discoverer. A journey that I started in 2018 when I began my training at the Phoenix Institute. A development that was, of course, started much earlier but then accelerated. A journey back to myself, my core, my origin. Looking back to where I came from. I had to put my life-story in black and white and face my patterns. It is a road of trial and error, fear, pain, wonder, pleasure, and memorable encounters. It taught me a lot about myself and gave me the tools to look at things, people, and myself differently. With this renewed knowledge, I am currently shaping my new path. I don’t know (yet) exactly what this looks like. Plenty of ideas, but for now, it is time for recess to give everything a place. It is a lesson in surrender and trust in what is to come and in myself. I see it as a convergence of all facets that I carry within me in my vision of the future.
For example, I once read a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke that touched me deeply, and the last stanza goes as follows:
And the point is to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer.
What is your career now?
I am an artist. In my recent works, I work a lot from my inner emotions and issues. These are reflected in my poems and faces that I draw and paint. It is a kind of face diary for me, which will definitely come together again in a bundle one day.
I am always buzzing with ideas in my head, and I love working on different projects. Because of this, I really experimented with everything, from print design and textiles to film and graphic design.
My new website went live at the end of 2020, here you will find a part of what I make nowadays. The blogs I write for the website are a whole new and enjoyable experience. This is how I deepen my own issues and themes—everything with the underlying desire to touch, inspire and nurture other people.
Can you tell us the story of your home and the interior?
About 7 years ago we moved from Amsterdam to ‘s-Graveland where our house is located. We wanted a house with a garden and more space for the children and for us. My childhood dream was to live on a farm, now our house is not really a farm, but the barn used to have animals. So that is pretty close.
Our house was built in 1900, so it is more than a century old. The hall still has an original marble floor. I love everything that’s old, old houses, old stuff, old building materials, because they have a past and carry a story with them, which attracts me enormously. That is how I get my inspiration.
The first time we saw the house it was love at first sight. We walked in, and we were home. The atmosphere, the house’s energy, she belongs to us, and we belong to her. It is not so noticeable on the outside. Still, inside, it is spacious and light with high ceilings and a conservatory with a large dining table where everyone comes together.
My interior decoration consists of many old things that I find at markets and in second-hand stores. My great love for textiles is also reflected in all rugs, pillows, and blankets. I even have fabrics on the wall, which was also one of my projects. Here, too, I have returned the classic element of the old-fashioned way of wallpapering, stretching textiles against the wall but with a contemporary print.
What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?
My greatest personal achievement is following and completing the 3rd year course at Phoenix. That has really been a life-changer for me.
My greatest professional achievement is that I started my own business in 2009.
Any regrets?
No! I believe things are going as they are. Besides, I think it is a shame to mourn what I did not do or what I could possibly have done. I would have liked to master some life lessons earlier, but I also think I was not ready for that yet.
What’s the best and worst part of getting older for you?
These are very close together for me. The beauty and joy of getting older are that I increasingly live in the now. As a little girl, I always wanted to be older. Nowadays, I know better what is mine and what is of the other, and that way, I no longer carry everything with me and or take it to myself. The hardness slowly but surely disappears, and softness comes back to myself and to the other.
Unfortunately, this road is not always without bumps and curves. Confrontation with myself is sometimes very hard. Teaching myself to look literally and figuratively in the mirror, learning to feel what my needs and desires are, and taking my place in life sometimes also evokes a lot of resistance from old patterns such as bad thoughts that bring me down.
It is a process that takes time and cannot be controlled. My strength lies in staying soft, especially when things are not going well. I also try to pass this on to my children, especially to my daughter, how important it is to love yourself. It’s like the life-saving instructions in one plane but for life. Love yourself first and then the other. That gives you the strength not to love someone else at the expense of yourself.
How do you stay healthy? Both physically and mentally?
Exercise is essential to my body and mind. That became all too clear, especially now during the Corona crisis. My hot yoga class dropped out, the family in lockdown working and studying from home. This made us move less, which directly affected how I felt and what it did to my body. Now I walk a lot, and as soon as it is allowed, I will start again with my hot yoga classes. I really love this form of yoga specifically because it warms me through and through. It allows me to focus on my breathing and really expands my thoughts.
Furthermore, mental stimulation also makes me feel better. I read a lot more books, especially those that stimulate me and make me think, teach me something or give me depth. And good food. Maybe a classic but I love to eat and cook. A table full of people and food is dual food for me.
What is the first thing you do in the morning to start your day positively?
Hahaha, this is an excellent question; how I would like to get up is often a long way from how I actually get up. I prefer to get up in peace, I wake up slowly, and I love to start the day in silence with a pot of tea. The reality is two bouncing children who are hungry and have to go to school. After the bike ride to and from school, my day only really starts when I get home and have my cup of tea or coffee and can think about the rest of the day in silence.
What’s your fantasy version of your 80-year-old self?
Then I picture a wise, gray, and, at the same time, colorful old woman. A kind of Buddhist monk meets Iris Apfel.
What’s your age, and how old do you feel?
I am 40, but I cannot say I feel 40—usually more than 36. Hahaha, I think I am emotionally slightly behind. But this can really change from time to time. I can, for example, also feeling very young when I come into contact with people/things/subjects that I do not (yet) know or master very well. Then the child in me wakes up, as I like to call it. That feeling also awakes when I play with Lego with the children. Or when I am in a bar with a friend, I feel like 25 again. It’s incredible how all of that is stored in your body, and it’s so interesting to learn to recognize it.
Age is ultimately just a number that indicates how long you have been physically on this earth, but the learning or life process has its own time.
In short, I think 40 is a beautiful age!
Dear woman
When I see you
In all your presence
I know I’m home
And I can rest again
Like a child in a mothers womb
Dear woman
When I feel you
Wrapped around me
I know I’m home
and I can weep again
As liquified emotions
running through our body
Dear woman
When I hear
your whispering
I know I’m home
Embraced by your
Soft warm words
Though strong and revealing
As the sage
Dear woman
I welcome you
As beautiful
as you are
– Tanja
