Born as twins, both astrological sign and in the sense of the word with a sister who is 10 minutes older. This means that I was never alone, I always had a friend by my side. Of course, I also regularly argued with my sister, but in general, we got along well. We are also not single-egg twins, there is clearly a difference. Something nice to report is that my sister is dyslexic and I have a disability, I can’t count.

In trauma therapy, I had to make contact with my younger self several times, so I am not strange to talk about this. I often comforted my younger self in therapy, saying that everything will be alright. I also allowed my younger self often to be scared, because my experience was just the opposite. When I was young, there were consequences when showing fear.

My childhood has been very wrongly influenced, and actually, I had to see that in a distinctive way when I was 42 years old. I got burned out, and my life ended up in a whirlpool. What would I like to say to my younger self today? Face your fear and flee. That fear that you feel is not for nothing and indicates that you are not safe. Trust your gut feeling, it’s always right.

Fleeing, at the age of 18. The future was super uncertain and, most of all, very dangerous what we did. My father, the man we fled from, was a man with many faces and, you never knew what he was going to do. My adult life started in a trauma marriage, so I learned that violence was the answer to everything. So fleeing from there was the hardest thing I ever did.

Pride? Of course, as a child, I was also proud of things, such as getting a 10 for a drawing I made during class. As an adult woman, I am most proud of the fact that I have started trauma therapy.

It was a very difficult period, but also a very beautiful one since I also made friendships there.

The pride really only comes after a few years, because the awareness, the changes, the learning process must first come in. And if you get feedback from other people that you have changed so positively, yes that will give you a big smile on your face and you will feel the pride!

Sport is my thing! I started exercising when I stood on the scale and tapped almost 90 pounds. With some fitness a week I quickly lost pounds and I also felt that it was good for me to deal better with my established PTSD. I suffer from controlling aggression and with strength training, I noticed that I could manage that much better in my head.

It may sound weird, but my sister, my mom, and I suffered from an 18-year-year prolonged trauma. And only I have undergone trauma therapy. My mother and sister did not need that, this is due to their way of processing the past.

Since I am a fighter, the savior, the rebel, also had processing consequences. As a child, I immediately blocked things but also entered into a different relationship with my perpetrator to survive. You do not choose this consciously, your subconscious mind makes that choice; “if you can’t beat them, then join them.”

It took me years to find out my real feeling, I was so scared! That fear caused me to collapse and undergo my therapy. When I look back at that experience, I also see that we have laughed a lot with the three of us. Have fun to deal with all the misery. And that was our moment, doing things secretly, the tension of something that was not allowed gave a wonderful feeling.

Our positivity ensured that we survived. Fortunately, after a day of misery, we always saw a bright spot, a straw to hold on to. And that made me for who I am now. Thanks to my mother, who, despite her own misery, gave us a beautiful childhood, because it is not about quantity, but about quality. Those rare moments of happiness that count!

I need coffee! The world can burn, but I have to start with my mug full of black gold! After that, I am a much nicer human! And then I go to the gym! Good training gives me energy and good vibes! Now that I am in a divorce I had to stop my visits to the gym, I couldn’t pay it anymore. So I decided to make my own gym at home. Next week a brand new power station will arrive at my home… I am so excited!

Wear gloves! This cat can scratch, bite, and miaow! Hahaha, serious I am a woman with different moods, my mother told me once ‘you are like the weather in Holland’ In one hour it can rain, snow and freeze! But most of the time the sun is bright and warm!

I was in the past a Graphic Designer. I started at 18 and worked at several companies. I learned the trade at a printing company, where I mainly worked in prepress. At that time there was no photoshop and you typed your text on photographic paper that you still had to mount on large printing sheets. These days everyone can print their own newspaper and unfortunately, you can see that. I am a true professional and am annoyed by the miss-use of fonts or other graphic errors.But luckily I can let it go since I have been unable to work for years now. I had a burnout in 2012 and I reported sick at the time. As a result, a ball started rolling and other things came to light. My sexual abuse as a child, my whiplash due to a car accident in the past. All trauma seemed to explode and the ball became bigger and bigger.

I always thought that I could not get a divorce because of the fact that I would be on my own. Recently I actually told my husband in a kind of harsh mood that I wanted to divorce. To be honest, I have been doing everything myself for years. Still, I was always waiting for the right moment to make the big decision… but I know now that it will never happen if you keep delaying.There is simply not a good time for a decision like that, every moment is right, you never know what the reaction of your action will be. And so I have discovered that letting go of something is sometimes very radical. However painful it can be, it can also be very liberating. Yes, I feel liberated from a marriage where nobody was happy anymore. And being alone and being financially independent? It’s hard, but you know, I don’t mind being poor but happy, rather than rich and having to realize day in day out that you will never experience love again!”

I am 51, born in June.