Once in a while, I take radical self-love selfies.
Those are not “quickly made iPhone” selfies, but self-portraits I make with my work camera, tripod, and self-timer. As a professional photographer, I am, of course, picky with the light and composition of the pictures. Although the iPhone camera is fantastic, it cannot compete with my work camera.
So yesterday, I took a few hours to make self-portraits. Not an easy job. I’m terribly perfectionist and picky about how I look and what I radiate in the pictures. Moreover, taking selfies on your own is quite a challenge, you have to pay attention to many things. The most important thing I usually have to pay attention to is my mindset. On bad mindset days, a radical self-love selfie is impossible. Yesterday, my view of the world was not very positive after receiving bad news. My appreciation for life was very disproportionate. Perfect time for a selfie.
I get this question regularly; have you fully accepted aging Dee? I always answer with a resounding no. I also regularly suffer from a wrong self-image. No, I have not accepted my aging body every single day, I have bad days. Usually, I have to work hard to stay positive. Like I always say, mindset is everything, also for me.
I remind myself on a daily basis that;
- Like everyone, I have been brainwashed by society and compare myself to an unrealistic beauty ideal.
- My body is going through a natural process called aging. I have been young, today I am almost 45, and I am at the beginning of a new phase that involves physical and mental changes.
- The alternative to aging is not an alternative for me because then my life would already be over. I do not call that an option.
Apart from these three points, the idea of constantly trying to stop the clock exhausts me. I don’t want to artificially try to look like I am 40 for the next 20 years. And look like 50 for the 20 years after that… That is too tiring, too expensive and I find it a bit sad. I do not want that woman.
I have another 40 years to live, I hope. Why would I suddenly be afraid to live the rest of my life because I’m not young anymore? It’s up to me to embrace this second half of my life without having someone else spoiling my happiness. I’m going to do the best work I’ve ever done on staying healthy, eat, sleep, exercise. I’m going to live better than I lived before. I’m going to love better than I’ve ever loved. I want to enjoy my life and embrace myself in the process.
So how does one love themselves?
Let’s see… If you love someone, what do you do? Think of your partner, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, your family, children, your lover, or your best friend. Do you spend quality time together? Do you like to spoil them with attention, love, and gifts?
Love is a feeling, and love is a verb. Love is just as much about feeling as it is about doing.
So when you love yourself it’s a feeling and there are things you can do to love yourself even more. You can enjoy the things you like in life, things that bring you pleasure, just for you, by yourself. Things that make you happy.
(If you’ve never tried it before, the idea of doing something alone might scare you a bit – it might be a bit of a challenge to start doing things by and for yourself.)
Do you feel weird about doing stuff by yourself? Do you feel like the biggest loser when you’re going to the movies by yourself? Well, that’s a clear sign you don’t yet love yourself (enough). Because once you do feel comfortable about it, you’ll start enjoying spending time by yourself.
self-love is about becoming your own best friend and feels completely happy and whole even when there is nobody else next to you.
Here what I do to keep my self-love up to date, I:
- Do nothing (I just sit or lie down but I just do absolutely nothing)
- Write (I write down my thoughts, poems, a book, or my daily journal)
- Take photographs
- Read a book
- Visit a museum
- Paint (or something else that allows me to express myself creatively)
- Buy a new dress
- Get a massage
- Go for a yoga class or meditate
- Dance and sing (like crazy around my house)
- Listen to music
- Go for a walk in nature
- Look for more depth in my life. A beautiful appearance is important, but a beautiful and healthy inner self is much more important and ultimately results in a longer and happier life.
The more you practice acts of self-love, the stronger message you send to yourself: “You deserve this”.
Last but not least self-love isn’t being…selfish, self-centered, indulgent, or narcissistic. Loving yourself is filled with self-compassion, self-care, and self-forgiveness. Did you know that people with self-love are happier and healthier people? Self-love is only about accepting who you are and respecting yourself.
