I cannot seem to let go of that precarious feeling—a vague sense, which I have never had.

And thanks to the knowledge and experience that I share with friends and women through this platform, I recognize symptoms as peri-menopause. It’s the “down and depressed” symptom. By feeling like this and also by giving it a name, it becomes a reality. I realize very well that this phase is no longer one from a biology booklet. This is about me, my body and it’s very real. Last week I had an “ask me anything” in Insta stories, several questions about motherhood passed along. A subject I wanted to write about from the beginning of this project but which has disappeared a bit in the background. My motherhood uncensored tag.

Babies

The unknown frightens me sometimes. The fact that I am entering a new phase in life. I am still not aware of how I got there so fast, menopause is for later on in life, right? I have a four-year-old son walking around, and my ovaries are still rattling quietly, although that also fades. Because theoretically, it is, of course, still possible to have a second child. The question of whether I still want that for me is another. I know that there are many women here on the platform who still very much want a (another) baby.

With my blocked fallopian tubes and previous cesarean section, the chance of a natural pregnancy is almost out of the question, not to mention my age (44). I do not use any contraceptive, actually not since I was 33 years old. But would I use a birth control pill if I had been “healthy“, read: hadn’t had Endometriosis? I don’t know … If I hadn’t had Endometriose, I would have had a first child much younger and probably had more than 1 child, yes. But unfortunately, that wasn’t my journey. I did have another marvelous journey though, and on top of that, a bonus child at the age of 40.

Motherhood uncensored

When I am asked why I had a child so late in life, I am certainly not secretive about it. Getting pregnant with severe Endometriosis just wasn’t easy. Fortunately, I did get pregnant once. I know less fortunate women. When people ask me what motherhood at age 40 is like, I always answer with a straight-up FANTASTIC, but of course, I can’t compare.

I can compare my current self with my younger self in my twenties or thirties. And whenever I do that, I end up with a pretty big difference in energy levels, a lot back then and a little less now. And a massive difference in patience, which I did not have a lot back then and nowadays much more. I seriously think I’m a good mom and a better one now than I would have been in my twenties or early thirties.

Later on in life

Women have children later on these. Not surprising, there are so many great things you can do when you are childless and have no responsibility for a tiny human being. Women used to have fewer freedoms, fewer opportunities, no equality between men and women, and no contraceptives. Today the choice is ours, and if you can choose to turn things around, so first choose YOU, and later on, in life things like relationships, marriage and/or children, you are free to do so. But I do always say, don’t wait too long. It is downright unfair that fertility has an expiration date.

When asked if I would like to have another child? Yes of course! Whether that would be best for my body (and mind), hmmmm … not sure. But that has nothing to do with age, rather with the individual. I think that if you’re healthy and dare (given the time, attention, and love that a child needs) to have another baby in your forties, go for it. Now, if miracles existed and I got pregnant right now in life, that baby would be more than welcome. I think it will be quite challenging, the combination of a baby and the peri-meno.

I think that if you’re healthy and dare (given the time, attention, and love that a child needs) to have another baby in your forties, go for it. Now, if miracles existed and I got pregnant right now in life, that baby would be more than welcome. I think it will be quite heavy, the combination of a baby and the peri-meno. Anyway, love is love; I would treasure the pregnancy, the breastfeeding period, and the cuddling. The idea of not sleeping for a year arouses other emotions …

Mindset is key

I was 39 when I got pregnant with my son, and the two years before, I did everything I could to conceive successfully. By everything, I mean food (no sugar in any form, little meat and no red meat at all, no coffee, etc), sleep, lifestyle, breaking old habits, yoga, meditation, and the right mindset. I was 39 when I got pregnant with my son, and the two years before, I did everything I could to conceive successfully. By everything, I mean food (no sugar in any form, little meat and no red meat at all, no coffee, etc.), sleep, lifestyle, breaking old habits, yoga, meditation, and the right mindset.

I got to know my body so well during those years, during my pregnancy and breastfeeding period afterward. Long after birth, I tried to get pregnant a second time. Unfortunately, that never worked. I followed the same diet, exercise, and lifestyle as before, but I honestly think my body was too tired to conceive another time. I am not a doctor, and I cannot give medical advice at all about anything. But I do think that, especially when you’re over 40, the addition of extras is essential. Extra supplements, a regular good detox to remove toxins from your body, regular sex, and a strong and healthy body are aspects that promote fertility. But remember the mindset… mindset is key, also in this case.

Believe in yourself, follow your heart, love yourself, you’ve got this.